I wonder who will be the first person to hit

The truth is, I do not have control over the world around me. Some lists of wealthy people do. Some are more obvious who has control while others I still want to know who and how many people are responsible for my life being like this. There will always be some groups of people who like to be do-gooders and encourage to walk away and just ignore people. Well, I ignore people at my leisure. However, I have not forgotten that some people just aren't giving up, and going away. My life continues to be wasted at my expense for the choices the wealthy make with who they decide to spoil rotten.
Time goes by so slowly.
Gotta love that boombox.

I have noticed several men in my life who continue to get more and more aggressive, violent, harassing, and stalking. It is only so much time before some men notice how little of effect they have on me and pick up that I am still a confident person. It is only a matter of time until they notice I continue to put myself before them. It is only a matter of time until the mysogynists be who they are.

I have noticed several groups of people that aren't just Ron Burgundys' or mysogynists. Some people, including Christians, use and abuse people for their own motivation or desperation. There are endless lists of agendas. Anderson sees a seriously bad drug problem; I believe what he says. There are just numbers and groups of people with different agendas and motives and I really do not understand what I have ever done for people to live to hate me the way they do. I don't get it.

Summer of 2006. Yes, I remember that summer. In this instance, there was no specific finger pointing of the reason I was driven insane and ran to the police who sent me to the hospital. Most, out of arrogance or desperation usually point the finger at either Mo or "me feeling suicidal over being rejected from a homosexual lover." I really understand why this country is so hated. Rudeness and arrogance can be so repulsive and maddening. It is the arrogance and rudeness along with so many people harassing me and stalking me. Talk about being ganged up on.

I have a feeling that no matter what happens or is said, I'm going to always be the bad guy. I'm going to be the blame, the scapegoat, the person who is at fault. I really have given up on people for a long time now. But while violence remains persistent and ever so growing, why not say something while in the limelight? My guess is that it is only going to make matters worse. Right now, I just don't care. I'm so fed up. I've been fed up. I'm just as desperate for people to get over themselves while I'm the one who is being condescended and degraded at the same time. People hate my Lily Allen attitude: "it's not me it's you," with everything in them. They won't give up and neither will I.

So, this leads me to wonder, I wonder who the first person will be who is going to get physically violent with me.